Are your affirmations not working? Here is how to do it correctly and manifest the birth you will love

“A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.”- Mahatma Gandhi

Whether you believe in the Law of Attraction or not, we can all agree that to a large extent, our lives are governed by our thoughts. What we think matters; if we have happy thoughts, we feel good, and negative thoughts make us feel not so good. Words we use in our daily life create thoughts and emotions, which then create our beliefs, and we use those beliefs to act on them. According to researchers at Queen’s University, our brains have over 6,000 thoughts per day, and the vast majority of them are outside of our awareness. We pride ourselves on being able to make day-to-day decisions rationally by using our logical minds, but in reality, our conscious thinking is greatly influenced by our subconscious attitudes, emotions, beliefs, memories, learnings, past experiences, environment, and much more. All the past experiences that we have accumulated throughout life help us create what we consider our “reality,” even though our reality is not always consistent with what is happening in the world. 

Our conscious minds are one of the many reasons why humans are different from animals; however, we might want to consider not taking our conscious minds too seriously. TIME magazine compares our conscious mind to a “not terribly bright CEO, whose subordinates [subconscious processes] do all of the research, draft all of the documents, then lay them out and say, ‘Sign here sir.’ The CEO does—and takes the credit.” Sure, we are intellectual beings and we use our conscious and rational thinking all day long—something no other animal does, as far as we know. However, our rational minds are not as independent as we think them. Considering that our subconscious is in charge, can we use our conscious mind to make the subconscious work for us?

Affirmations

One of the ways to use the conscious mind to influence all the information stored in our subconscious and make it work for us is to utilize the power of affirmations. Affirmations are positive statements that are repeated often, and that repetition is exactly what helps them enter our subconscious minds and shape our reality.  

We are already thinking repetitive thoughts every day, and the majority of the time, we are not even aware of them. All those negative statements that in some shape or form make us believe that “I am not ________ (smart, pretty, skinny, tall, good, kind, able, etc.)  enough” are repeated in our heads over and over until we start to believe them. They often leave us feeling stuck and miserable. 

The good news is that the opposite is true as well; affirmations help us break free from old self-limiting beliefs and improve our lives. We can create a birthing experience (or any other) that is beautiful, calm and exactly the way we want it.

How do you create affirmations that actually work?  

Here are some simple rules to use as a guideline.  

Personal

Make affirmations personal and meaningful to you. It doesn’t matter if someone creates the world’s most perfect affirmation; if it is not something that resonates with you, it is not for you. Sometimes people blindly repeat someone else’s affirmations, but they can just feel that those affirmations are not aplicable for their situation. Fortunately, you can modify any affirmation so that it is spoken in your style of wording and tone of voice, so it becomes your truth. You are the only one who knows exactly what you want so treat those ‘prepackaged’ affirmations as a good starting point You can also modify your affirmations as you practice them to make them uniquely yours. If you use someone else’s affirmations and they do not resonate with you, it is as if you are arguing with your brain. We cannot argue our beliefs into submission. We also cannot force ourselves to believe something just because someone else has said it. 

So, make it personal. Make it believable. Create affirmations that speak the truth to you.

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Positive

Affirmations need to be stated in a positive way, not a negative one. Say exactly what you want as opposed to what you do not. Instead of repeating, “I do not want to experience painful labor,” say, “I feel comfortable and in control during labor and during birth.” The brain does not really know what to do with negative thoughts. It does not know how to NOT do something. As far as the brain is concerned, as the brain processes our thoughts, it completely eliminates any negations from the sentences we say and pays attention to verbs and nouns. If we say, ”I do not want a C section,” the brain ignores “not” and pays attention to “want” and “C-section,”  so technically we keep reaffirming that “I want a C-section.” The brain is very literal, and whatever we focus on, it creates.

Feel free to use or modify the following suggestions:

“I am connected to my baby and we work together in harmony during labor and birth.”

“I am breathing deeply and trusting my body to do everything effortlessly to birth my baby.”

Precise

Affirmations need to be precise and simple. Think of what you would like to experience in labor and write a precise affirmation out of it. What specifically do you want? Don’t leave your brain guessing or expect it to fill in the blanks. Pretend you can custom-order on Amazon the exact experience you would like to have. What would that be like? How would you like to feel during labor and birthing? How long does your labor last? How is your birthing partner supporting you? What do you look and feel like? Say exactly what you want.

Furthermore, the focus of affirmations should be on effort as opposed to competence. That works to our advantage in the labor and birth setting. Having affirmations such as, “I listen to my body and am focused on remaining calm and confident through each phase of labor and birthing” is a lot more believable than, “I am a great mother for choosing to relax during birth.” 

Suggestion: 

Instead of saying, “I want better labor and birth,” consider saying, “I feel calm and in control during labor and birth.” 

Plausible and believable

Make sure that your affirmations are plausible and believable. Sometimes people get carried away and create affirmations that are impossible, such as “I will lose 40 pounds by next Friday.” Asking for one hour of labor and birthing is something that might be impossible or even dangerous to achieve. And speaking of quick labors, C-sections can be performed in less than an hour from start to finish so that is one quick way to have a baby.

Whatever you wish to create has to be realistic and believable to you.

Suggestion:

“I trust and believe in the natural process of birthing and trust my own instincts.”

Present tense

Create affirmations that are in the present tense, as if they are happening right now. “I have a calm labor and birthing filled with relaxation” is something that creates immediacy, as opposed to “I will have calm labor and birthing filled with relaxation,” which uses the future tense. Future tense leaves the brain with no particular time frame to work with. If you do not get what you want on the day you want it, then perhaps you may get it in four months, four years, or even longer. There is no time control over it, and therefore it becomes simply wishful thinking. 

Suggestions: 

Use “I am,” “I have,” etc.

“I am in labor and focused on relaxing my jaw muscles, my shoulders, and my belly.”

“I have surges that are regular and feel like pressure.”

Practice

Just like any other skill, affirmations need to be continuously repeated. The more you practice them, the better the outcome and the more believable they become. 

Affirmations work best when combined with anchors and triggers. Anchors are external and internal stimuli that cause us to experience certain feelings, and triggers are stimuli that cause us to behave a certain way. For example, the smell of freshly baked cookies (anchor) immediately brings happy memories from childhood. Athletes and performers often create a pressure point (trigger) on their bodies that they touch before a big game or performance in order to focus. Thinking of your baby is an anchor that causes you to feel happy, and relaxation techniques are triggers that can help you change the way your body feels.

Suggestions:

“Every time I think of my baby I relax my jaw, shoulders, and my belly button.”

Conclusion

Our thoughts make us feel certain ways; negative thoughts create uncomfortable feelings and reactions, and positive thoughts create positive ones. To truly have the birthing experience you want—the gentle, powerful, and peaceful labor and birth of your dreams—think and speak in a way that reflects it. Do not get pulled into the horror stories of other parents. Center yourself in a state of positivity and calm. Breathe. Your baby is listening. So is your body.  

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